I’ve been quiet for a long while, immersed in both study and self care, and this month I’m coming out of my hibernation somewhat for a collaboration with some other amazing postpartum professionals to bring you #MAMAvember. A month of bringing kindness and nurture into the lives of mothers. Inspired by the self care challenge a small group of us previously took part in, MAMAvember if the brainchild of Sophie of Bearing Wonder. I’m honoured to be working with her, Rebecca Home and others on this month of self nuture and coming together as Mothers. Sharing our knowledge as well as learning from other wise women.
If you’d like to join you can find a link on my Facebook Business page or on my Instagram profile to the facebook group, alternatively you can share your 30 days of every day acts of mama care on your social media using the hashtag #MAMAvember or just take the month quietly to look at how you can find nurture through your day to day. We’d love you to join us in normalising the act of looking after our own needs with the same importance as we look after the needs of others.
On that note, I wrote a piece on intention setting to accompany a video for the MAMAvember group so I thought I would share it here too. Read on if you are curious about intention setting as a way of supporting a new way of being.
The first thing to say about intention setting is that there is no absolute ‘right' or ‘wrong' when it comes to setting intentions. If you searched on the internet you would no doubt find many different approaches. What is offered below are guidelines based on my experience as a yoga teacher & practitioner, postpartum professional, mindfulness nerd and mum. If you have an approach that suits you already then by all means stick to what works for you.
So what is an intention? It’s a positive resolve that gives purpose, meaning and direction in the moment and consequently in your life. Think of setting an intention as planting a seed. It can take time to grow and there may be moments it seem like there’s no growth, but if we keep watering the intention, it will blossom. An intention can reinforce or rekindle a belief in your own potential.
Some key principles to consider:
When choosing an intention, it doesn’t have to be complicated, in fact the simpler the better. You ideally want to be able to capture it in one sentence.
Use the present tense rather than future, so “I….” or “I am…”
It should be written in the positive. If you find yourself thinking about things you want to stop doing then look at how you can reframe that in the positive. For example, if your intention is to stop staying up late at night, you may reframe that as ‘I honour my need for sleep’ or more broadly ‘I give myself the rest that I need’. Avoid intentions that are goal oriented or outcome focused e.g. 'I quit sugar’ or ‘I will exercise every day’, instead aim for an intention that can move you towards where you want to be but without their being a destination you’ve either reached or not. So you may choose ‘I nourish my body with foods that help me feel vibrant’ or ‘I support my body through movement’. There is certainly a place for goals and if you find that goals serve you then by all means create some goals to support you towards your intention, but allow the intention to be more value focussed.
An intention should never be a stick with which you beat yourself up. This rule is a must. Working with an intention is a journey which may have many twists and turns but an intention is something you can always come back to no matter how many times you have lost your way. That said, if you do find yourself beating yourself up over seemingly moving away from your intention, then notice it, forgive yourself and move on. The irony of you beating yourself up over noticing that you were beating yourself up doesn’t need to be pointed out, I’m sure.
When setting an intention, focus on the feeling that the intention evokes or that you want to invoke. If certain words come up then allow them to be woven in to your intention if it feels right.
Your intention should resonate with you. This is an important one. If it doesn’t resonate, it’s not the right one for you at present. That doesn’t mean that the right intention will be easy or that in every moment you are going to be able to embody the intention, but it should feel like the right direction to be moving. Notice how it feels in your body when you say it.
How to go about setting an intention: For the intention setting itself, it’s good to find a space where you can be in relative quiet and really tune in to your self. It may be a quiet space at home or you may want to head in to nature and sit or walk, it may be in the car the moment before school of kindy pick up if that’s what feels manageable for you. Ideally you want to set intentions when are feeling most connected to yourself. You may want to close the eyes (if you’re not walking obviously) or soften the gaze and allow yourself to quieten the mind, perhaps bringing your focus to your breath, just noticing the inhale and exhale, then allow whatever comes up, to come up. If you’re finding it challenging, some questions that may help are ‘what doesn’t work for me anymore’ or ‘what do I want more of in my life?’ Allow yourself to come from a place of abundance when you are intention setting. Don’t get the inner critic inform your intention. Where do you want to be? What do you want your day to day to look like? Then ask yourself what’s one manageable step you could take towards that right now.
Once you have found something that resonates, then you can tweak or play with it so that it hits the principles above. Remember, it’s not set in stone, you can tweak and play with different wording to see which sits best with you. It is helpful not to keep jumping from one intention to another the moment things aren’t going as you’d like. Remember, the journey isn’t linear. Allow for some peaks and troughs and be gentle with yourself along the way.
What to do with it once it’s set? The options are endless but in simple terms it’s good to reflect on your intention daily. Perhaps on waking and then on going to bed. I often have my intention written on a post-it and stuck to the bathroom mirror or the fridge, somewhere I will see it as a reminder. I know people who have theirs as wallpaper on their phone or computer. You can use your intention like an affirmation or mantra. Much like mindfulness, I try and make sure I’m weaving it in to my daily routine rather than making a specific isolated time in my day for it. For example, tying it in to the morning routine, so perhaps reflecting on your intention as you shower each morning, or driving to work, or as you have your morning cuppa. If you have a daily practice like meditation or yoga practice you can weave it in here, but intentions certainly don’t need to be reserved for particular moments (though for some having a specific slot in the day for it can help— if that’s you, go for it). I like to use what I call ‘living intentions’ by which I mean, I can consider them moment to moment when I feel called, and ask myself ‘how am I <insert intention> in this moment’ for example ‘how am I nurturing myself in this moment’ or ‘how am I opening to love and kindness in this moment’ ‘how am I honouring my needs in this moment’.
Play around with it and see what works for you. I’d love to hear how you go.
Blessings of love,
Anne